Running Commentary of Three Old Men

Three old men are sitting next to me in a coffee shop discussing life, politics and faith. One looks like my grandad in a crazy print hawaiian shirt and has an second generation ipad. One looks like Benjamin Button when he was born and is reading Zombie Economics. One is wearing a nice Ralph Lauren button-up with a aged baseball cap and has an old IBM laptop.

Benjamin Button just told the other two that if he was Catholic he would still be saying Hail Marys for voting for George Bush in 2004.

Baseball Cap just completed a monologue about Speaker Boehner, every time mispronouncing his name as "Boner."

Granddad just gestured towards Benjamin Button, "You know this guy has been drinking by himself. I worry about about people drinking by themselves, at home..." but before he could finish Benjamin Button jumps in, "Not at home, I go to Panera. I like the stuff they brew there."

Santa Barbara Solstice

A few weeks ago I spent my final weekend in Santa Barbara. I went up there to move the rest of my stuff out of my old apartment, help the guys clean, hopefully get the better portion of our security deposit back, and, in general, say goodbye. It just so happened that the weekend of our departure from Santa Barbara was the weekend of the Summer Solstice Parade.

The parade is in many ways, underwhelming. All of the floats are homemade. About an eighth of the parade is made up of groups with choreographed performances. The rest are a hodgepodge of people who just thought it would be cool to dress up and be in a parade, many of whom, we suspected, were hippies who live in the hills and have tons of spare strips of fabric.

This guy (above) is a great example of the home-made costume. He is a jellyfish, or more accurately, the tentacles of a jellyfish. He achieved this taping a couple hundred fake flowers to his body. The problem came when he was making the body of the jellyfish, which is a giant net filled with balloons attached to a hula hoop. He got halfway done filling up balloons with helium and thought "Forget it, I hate balloons now and am going to use trash bags."

The parade organizers (kind of like the IOC of Santa Barbara) tried to give this year's parade some type of cohesiveness with a theme. We couldn't quite figure what that theme was but my best guess is "Late 18th Century Jungle Where White People of Confused Religious Background Celebrate the Sun." 

It is by far the most pagan thing I have ever seen.

Giant half-a-watermelon float. Why not? Seriously though.

This guy. THIS GUY. He kept poking people with his giant stick and as if that were not enough, as if the green horns and orange feathers are not enough, those furry purple pants...

are not pants but ass-less chaps. He and his girlfriend had on purple fur ass-less chaps.

It ended with a giant inflatable watermelon with spikes, a tail and baby watermelon nipples. Inside were two aerial dancers who were dying of heat stroke and instead of dancing on the ropes, were just lying on the floor as two dozen people pushed this monster up State Street.

What a great afternoon.

GTBKOC: Henry Samueli School of Engineering

I am taking one course right now, CEE 150 Mechanics of Materials. It meets twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday between 5pm and 7pm. From my front door takes me about sixteen minutes to walk to class but I can cut that down to six minutes on my skateboard. Above is the "Engineering Gateway." Behind that is Engineering Quad, arguably one of the nicest sections of campus, albeit not one of coolest.

Donald Bren Hall is where my summer course meets and is my final destination. It is going fairly well too. With my new job I can only devote so much time to the class but I do seem to be keeping up.

Translation is the Art of Failure

Picture of the Day

What is the difference between these two books? They are both called Mechanics of Materials and both by some fellow named R.C. Hibbeler. If you were to say one is a dirty yellow and the other a steely blue, you would be right but that is not the answer I am looking for. If you were to say one is the 7th edition and the other is the 8th edition, you would also be right, but again that is not what I am looking for.

The difference between these two books is one hundred and thirty dollars.

I found out that it didn't matter which edition we had and that night came back, printed a return label for the 8th edition and ordered the 7th.

Story of the Day

I have two roommates. One named Rafa, from Spain, and the other named Shaowei, from Hong Kong. Recently Shaowei's wife received a visa to come to the United States and after one year of being married, long distance, they finally get to live in the same place.

I just happen to share that space. And this is my story.

Shaowei is a PhD candidate in advanced physics and as such, is in the lab almost all day. K_____, his wife, just got to the United States and has no occupation that I know of. From what I can tell she is their room all day and only comes out at meal times to make food (side note: have you ever seen Chinese bread?). I don't know what she does with her time but since I work from home, it is just the two of us in the apartment for most of the day. Still, I only see her at meal times.

Today, after my required eight hours of work. I had hardly moved from my desk and was in desperate need to stretch my legs. It was about 5:30PM and as such, K_____ was in the kitchen making dinner for herself and Shaowei.

As I was on my way out I stopped and said "Hi." The conversation that followed went like this:

K_: Hi John. Where are you going?

Me: I am going for a walk.

K_: Oh a wa... what?

Me: A WalK.

(Pause)

K_: Oh a walk.

          Have fun on your walk.

Me: Thank you I will. I like your dress by the way.

(she was wearing a summery dress with flowers and a lot of ruffles, it was a cute dress but this compliment was my first mistake)

K_: Oh. Sorry, what?

Me: I like your Dress.

K_: Sorry, I don't understand.

Me: Your Dress. What you are wearing. 

(I fan my hands out and pull them across my body)

Me: Your Dress.

(pause)

K_: Oh, I see.

              You like my chest.

Me: (crap)