Sleep Deprivation is Pernicious

I woke up around 1:18 AM expecting my alarm to go off at any minute. What I mean by that is that I woke up and was awake. As opposed to many mornings where I wake up still asleep for some time.

I did some browsing on Patty (the iPad), which is never a good remedy for sleeplessness. I got up, stretched and grabbed some couch time with Cindy (the Kindle). I tried going back to bed but just ended up getting up a little bit later, resolved to start my day whatever the clock said. So, I showered in the second bathroom (we have two!) even though the water pressure doesn't hold up. I used used the Trader Joe's tea-tree tingle shampoo/conditioner as well as Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap, the result of which, my whole body is tingly. 

Doing my best to keep quiet I collected a bowl, a spoon, some cereal and some milk from the kitchen and retreated to the second bedroom / office (we really are spoiled in this apartment). If Kari had walked out she might have mistaken me for a thief, albiet one unusually concerned with breakfast items.

Now it is 4:23 AM and I am in the second bedroom / office. I know I should go back to bed and try again. I am also keenly aware of effects this will have on my day. It always happens in the slightest way. I will forget that I didn't get my required eight hours of sleep and be overcome with despair. Literally nothing in life will excite me and the thought of work, in any form, fills me with dread. I think this is called depression. However, like I said and for whatever reason, I will forget the cause. Which only deepens the emotions.

Sleep deprivation is pernicious. That is best word I can come up with.

Maybe today I will wear a ribbon around my pinky. If I can find a pink one I can tell people it is for breast cancer but really it is just to remind me "this is water."*

If you are wondering why I can't sleep, it is not a question I can easily answer. Now, all distractions aside and morning routines finished, I am forced to think about a reason. It could be work-stress. Yesterday was not a great day at the office. It could have been bad dreams. Just last night I had a dream that Craig was a psychopath and trying to murder me. What is worse is that I tried to kill him before he could kill me. I didn't succeed and psychopath Craig ended up killing me. What kind of crazy person dreams are these!

(Personal note to Craig: I am really sorry for my subconscious. I promise our relationship is sound and you are the least likely of all my friends to kill me. If anyone were to kill me it would probably be Drew)

(Personal note to Drew: I am sorry about that last comment I just thought it would be funny)

In any case it is probably a combination of stress, restless sleep and general restlessness at my last few days. I have not accomplished enough of the tasks I wanted to and ended up falling asleep just a few hours after getting home. I have noticed that many of the nights I find it hard to get to sleep, or get back to sleep, the thought that I am not fully using days is the main culprit. The temporary answer is to get to getting. Hence my current wakefulness. The long-term answer is more multi-faceted: organization, exercise, a peaceful heart, and so on. However, my guess is that these are life long pursuits and that every now and then I am going to wake up at 1:18AM.

* This is a reference to a commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace. It is really worth a listen and I won't give anything away by telling the joke which goes something like this: 

Two young fish swim by an older fish, the older fish says to them, "Hi Boys, how is the water?" One of them answers that it is fine and then, a little while later the other asks, "What is water?"