Pushing Through

Last night as I began that nightly ordeal of falling asleep I began to imagine my body sinking into the bed. This is not an uncommon practice for me and for the past five years I have tried, unsuccessfully, to will myself through floors and walls of all sorts. It is a fascination that began when I first learned about the percent of free space in the atom. It was only slightly deterred when I later learned that this space is technically occupied by the electrons. They are waves after all and granted some concessions in the fundamental forces that operate on the world, there should conceivably be some wiggle room.

The point is that last night I succeeded. After years of trying out different permutations, I finally managed to find the right arrangement of my atoms. I felt it only slightly at first. My hands could press slightly further into my sheets than normally possible. However that was all it took. I knew it could be done. After the initial shock and an irresponsible decision to disregard all possible consequences, I let my body slide through the surprisingly airy old mattress.

My current bed consists of a mattress, a piece of plywood and four square cinder blocks. After willing my body through the mattress it was in the uncomfortable position of resting on the hard plywood. At this point I really only had two choices, to go back or attempt pushing through the plywood. The latter seem the better option if only for the fact that it was hot inside the mattress and underside of my bed, carpeted and cool, seemed very appealing.

You know how I like to lie on the floor and after careful rearrangement of my atoms, accounting for the variances in organic (vs the regularity of manufactured) materials and not without considerable difficulty on my part, I felt through.

It is at this point that I began to get cocky. I began to push through the floor of apartment. With the various materials, a great spectrum of densities and inter spaced floor boards, this is not an easy feat. However, the real trouble began a few inches from the ceiling of the apartment below. There I realized that I was about to crash into the bedroom of a complete stranger's apartment.

I decided that the only option was to continue and I would have to recall to atomic structure necessary to slide into the stranger's floor upon contact. That would not only avoid the awkward encounter - I was after all in my boxers - but would also prevent a rather unpleasant crash that awaited me on the floor below.

In retrospect I am very fortunate that there were few obstacles in my way, let alone the old man himself. No, I fell, muffled a scream, and slid into the floor below. It was rather damp down there and rather than abandon my quest, I simply sought the warmth the Earth has to offer. I continued south(?) and slowly made my way to warmer internal temperatures. When I was sufficiently contented, I thought "well that is that" and went to sleep.